April 5, 2015 was a beautiful day. The sun was shining and the last remnants of snow were more like a distant memory than the reality of the past few months. April 5, was Easter but it was also the day my father died 41 years ago. For the past few months strange thoughts and feelings had begun to stream into my consciousness. I believe that the loss of a loved one is ever present however in order to get through life we have the ability to compartmentalize our feelings. We lock the pain, ache, sadness and memories away in our minds and hearts never knowing when those feelings will make their presence known.
A couple of months ago, my father’s cologne suddenly popped into my consciousness. I was shocked that I even remembered its name. Zizanie was the fragrance he wore and it certainly was not a household item. I began to look for that cologne on line. I went to Amazon.com first because if any site had it they would. I was amazed to see it featured there but the shipping charges were astronomical in relation to its cost, so I passed. I finally was able to locate it at a flea market a couple of towns away and believe it or not I was able to purchase the last bottle they had in inventory as Zizanie was no longer in vogue. I was so elated by the thought that one spritz of my father’s favorite cologne would awaken my senses and take me back to those long ago years when my father was such a huge presence in my life. I desperately clung to that bottle of Zizanie as I pushed the plunger with anticipation. As the cologne wafted through the air and onto my skin, the now unfamiliar scent did nothing to conjure up the essence of my father. I sprayed again remembering that perfume and/or cologne can smell differently depending on each person’s chemistry. I sprayed my sister, I sprayed my son, still nothing. Then something miraculous happened. I took a deep breath in and then another. All of a sudden, in the recesses of my mind, a familiar feeling came over me. Was it real or was it wishful thinking. I haven’t a clue. All I know is that for the first time in many, many years, my father’s essence was alive again. As we all made a toast in memory of my father, I suddenly realized what better way to honor the true meaning of Easter than to commemorate the memory of my father.